Author Topic: Sick Irish Jokes  (Read 10419 times)

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Offline Skids

Sick Irish Jokes
« on: Thu 19 Nov 2009 19:10:40 »


  A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.  Paddy ordered a
 whiskey.
 
  The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
 
  He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores
 than let liquor touch my lips!'
 
  Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn't know we had
 a choice!'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
  Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.  The operator asks 'How
 many people are flying with you?'
 
  Paddy replies 'I don't know!  Its your plane!!'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
 
  Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
 
  After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls
 are getting on'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
 
  Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
 
  She undresses & lies on the bed spread-eagled & says 'You know
 what I want don't you?'
 
  'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole bed, by the looks of it!'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
 
  Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service
 for not servicing the electric chair.
 
  He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
 
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
  Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on
 Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
 
  A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said 'I don't
 think that's her, she wasn't that tall!'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 ----------------------------------------
 
  Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is
 barking like mad in the garden.

  Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.
 
  He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did
 you do?'
 
 Paddy replies 'I've put the dog in our garden, let's see how
 they like it!'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
 An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very
 tight for a Jew!'
 
 She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -----------------------------------------
 
 Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have
Bluetongue.

'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile
phones!'
 
 
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
  Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
 
 Mick say 'Crikey!  There's a bloke here who was 152!'
so ner....  :P
 

Offline motcher76

Re: Sick Irish Jokes
« Reply #1 on: Thu 19 Nov 2009 19:27:06 »
They were great, thanks Skids  :laugh:

But you left off the all-important punch line with the last one ... Paddy says "What's his name?" and Mick replies "Miles from London!"

Cheers
"... Before you judge a man, first walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who gives a damn. He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!!..."   ;D