Author Topic: Need help with your Christmas lights?  (Read 3856 times)

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Offline Hector McFreckle

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Need help with your Christmas lights?
« on: Sat 13 Dec 2008 18:05:39 »
Eat your peas !! :)
 

Offline Hector McFreckle

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Re: Need help with your Christmas lights?
« Reply #1 on: Sun 21 Dec 2008 22:26:15 »



"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven."óW.C. Fields4
Eat your peas !! :)
 

Offline Hector McFreckle

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Re: Need help with your Christmas lights?
« Reply #2 on: Fri 26 Dec 2008 22:54:54 »
Eat your peas !! :)
 

Offline Hector McFreckle

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Re: Need help with your Christmas lights?
« Reply #3 on: Fri 26 Dec 2008 23:01:16 »



Letter to Santa

 deer
santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear
Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa


Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear
Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

Dear
Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear
Teddy,
Look,your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Santa

Dear
Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear
Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa

Dear
Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear
Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear
Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

Dear
Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa

P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.
"Long Dong" Claus


Dear
Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear
Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

Dear
Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa


Dearest
Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto
apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window.
Sweet
Dreams,
Santa
__________________
Eat your peas !! :)