Author Topic: Best Computer Newbie Phrases  (Read 5879 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Hector McFreckle

  • Public Relations / Statistician Officer
  • Global Moderator
  • Rock Elite
  • ******
  • Posts: 2854
  • Thanked: 108 times
  • Karma: 142
Best Computer Newbie Phrases
« on: Wed 22 Oct 2008 06:02:39 »
Best Computer Newbie Phrases
These are actual things we've heard from computer newbies. Scary but true.

*Intercom Explorer
*Can you get RAM on a CD?
*I think I deleted the internet.
*Whenever I'm on the phone, I can't dial up. I think that's a bug.
*I can't find my desktop!
*Windows Me 2000
*It says "" isn't a valid email address!
*My computer is performing illegal operations! Am I in trouble?
*I think it might be a problem with the soft drive.
*When I print, the holes are on the wrong side... I think I need to get the printer repaired.
*How do I download more ink for my printer?
*Outback Express
*I don't think my keyboard has an "any" key.
*Do I have to shut down the computer before I restart?
*Noo! My taskbar is really big again! Why me?!
*Windows HP
*I can never remember... do CDs go in label side up or down?
*Are the numbers supposed to be in lowercase too?
*Desktop eh? Is that under Programs?
*It won't let me type my password... all I get is black dots.
Eat your peas !! :)

Offline NerdBurger

  • Patron
  • ***
  • Posts: 119
  • Karma: 16
  • Drank the slab that Bon Scott drunk...
Re: Best Computer Newbie Phrases
« Reply #1 on: Wed 22 Oct 2008 07:20:48 »
I ran a pretty successful computer business for ten years.  Some of you old timers may have heard of was called LaserBaud, we were the Australian agent for USRobotic modems.  I had many funny and embarrassing situations with computer n00bz.

One memorable case (pun intended) was when I sold some memory for a computer upgrade to a customer.  These were the days of memory chips and not the SIMM or DIMM memory modules common these days. Anyway they usually came on a piece of foam which was wrapped in foil (for anti-static purposes) and the chip legs were simply just embedded into the foil.  The customer buys the memory and refuses to lets us do the computer upgrade. Next day he complains on the phone that we blew up his computer.  I try and calm him down and ask him to bring the computer in.  He brings in the computer and it reaks.  Is always bad news because it means something is blown or burnt.  I open the lid up and peek inside.  To my horror, as my jaw dropped to the floor....I find that he has trimmed the foil neatly around the memory chips and mounted the chips into the sockets with the foil intact.  >:(

We also were very big sellers of Creative Labs Sound Blaster sound cards in those days.  We had one customer that complained that his card gave a constant humming noise in his speakers.  No problems, just bring it in and we'll give him a brand new sound card. So this happens 2 or 3 times. Eventually I suggested to bring his computer in, as their must be a ground problem or something wrong with his speakers.  He brings his computer in and I notice their is something rattling loose inside.  I open his computer to find a stale sausage with a wire attached to it.  WTF! I ask him what is this rancid piece of pork doing inside his computer.  He says...."when I touch this wire with my finger the humming stops....I thought a sausage would work!" ::)

Wearing a pair of super high-powered glasses that provides millions of mega-tons of energy through the sensitive muscles in his head.

Offline Austwiz

Re: Best Computer Newbie Phrases
« Reply #2 on: Fri 24 Oct 2008 01:19:00 »
I can't find my desktop!

I often have this problem - it is called papers, cd's, 'putre bits, phones, more papers.....   ::)

I used to buy shareware CDs from you NerdBurger, now I just get the children of your examples as clients!!   :o

As for one of your examples, Just be thankful it wasn't another sort of 'sausage' he was poking in his computer  :-X

Offline Jaylee

Re: Best Computer Newbie Phrases
« Reply #3 on: Fri 24 Oct 2008 02:12:48 »
lol ... my totally computer illiterate hubby when he can't remember something, often says he thinks his hard drive needs defragging, mind you he hasn't a clue what it means  ;D ;D ;D ;D