Author Topic: Australia - What's it Like???  (Read 3631 times)

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Offline Hector McFreckle

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Australia - What's it Like???
« on: Thu 31 Jul 2008 05:37:29 »
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The (sometimes brilliant) answers are apparently the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: (UK) Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: (USA) Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much youíve been drinking.

Q: (Sweden) I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, itís only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: (Sweden) Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
A: So itís true what they say about Swedes.

Q: (UK) Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane,Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: (USA) Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does notÖ oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: (USA) Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and weíll send the rest of the directions.

Q: (UK) Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: (USA) Can you send me the Vienna Boysí Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man- y, which isÖoh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: (UK) Can I wear high heels in Australia?
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: (Germany) Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: (USA) Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: (USA) I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. Itís a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: Itís called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: (France) Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE donít stink.

Q: (USA) I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: (Italy) Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: (France) Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: (USA) I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: (USA) Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but youíll have to learn it first
Eat your peas !! :)

Offline rude1971

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Re: Australia - What's it Like???
« Reply #1 on: Wed 03 Sep 2008 06:52:59 »
OZ Is The Best!!!!!!!!

Only Place To Be.