Ausrock Forums
Comments, Suggestions, Discussions => Live Wire! Jokes & Humor Forum => Topic started by: deutros on Mon 15 Nov 2010 02:28:04
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> Yes, I know .... you've seen these before. But, they are important
> and worth reviewing periodically.
>
> 1.. Men are NOT mind readers.
> ( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
>
> 1.. Learn to work the toilet seat.
> You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
> We need it up, you need it down.
> You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> tides. Let it be.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
> Subtle hints do not work!
> Strong hints do not work!
> Obvious hints do not work!
> Just say it!
>
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
> what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
> done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
> yourself.
>
> 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials..
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
> We have no idea what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
> nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> hassle.
>
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
> answer you don't want to hear.
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine... Really.
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.
>
> 1. You have enough clothes.
>
> 1. You have too many shoes.
>
> 1.. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
>
> 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
> couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's
> like camping.
> __________________
>
> (Disclaimer: If you are in a same-sex relationship, many of these
> rules may
> change in subtle ways.)